Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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