I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
do nipples grow back?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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