So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I FOUND THE LEGS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
