You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
