I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
