I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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