New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
