In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At least life still wants to fuck me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
