No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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