mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
