Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
