I haven't been this sober since birth.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
