Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
