Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
