this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
