Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
