I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
