Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
