They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
