I'm gonna have a badass scar
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
