you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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