the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
