I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's official drugs can't kill me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
