week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
