i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have already put on my inside pants.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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