Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
