You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
