Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
