Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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