I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
