Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
