wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
