He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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