When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
