OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
