i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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