I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
