It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
