Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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