You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
