im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Pooping to opera.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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