i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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