You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
