My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
