is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
