I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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