Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
