You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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