I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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