Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
